Last night, at youth group, we had a missionary, Ethan Molsee, come and hang out with us. He shared the what's and why's of being a missionary. He and his family are going to Togo. Ethan had an interesting story and said all the missionary things you would expect him to say. But, he said something that stuck with me. He doesn't feel qualified for what he's about to do.
That surprised me. I don't think I have ever heard any missionary say that. At least not so plainly. "I'm going to go here and do this and hopefully do that. I'm super excited and it will be challenging..." But,"I don't feel adequate for the job but this is what God wants me to do." Hm
It made think of a couple things. First, I thought of Star Trek. "To boldly go where God tells you to". Cue music. The other thing was our last trip to Tecate. I honestly felt the same way. I am not qualified for this task. I was nervous. Especially as things started going sideways. (see TKT 2011 blog) And when Theresa took ill, ooo boy!!
Back to Ethan. He followed that by saying, it just means he needs to trust God more. So true. Quite often, we get into a situation and think, "Holy crap!! What am I doing? How am I going to get out of this? What are people going to think of me?" All of those statements are messed up. It's not about you and only people who don't think say things. When God puts you in a situation and you know you are there because of that, it only matters what God thinks of you. He trusts you enough to put you there. Trust Him enough to get you through it.
I follow the mantra of "If you want something done right, do it yourself". That means TRUST NO ONE!!. In Tecate, that wasn't going to work. I had to put all my trust in Him. From the start. Not half way through the week. From the time I asked, "Who wants to go to Tecate?". And I did, sorta. Honestly, my all wasn't all until Steve and I hit the road and the trip was amazing!
To keep Jesus as our focus, my leaders and I would meet each morning and just talk stuff through and pray. On our last day we summed up the week and shared what we learned from it. This is when Emily said the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. With tongue in cheek, I would end all my e-mails with "Your Fearless Leader". With everything that happened that week and all the things that we had to alter she expressed how I truly was their fearless leader. I'm not sharing this to say "Look at me" but, rather, that should be our goal or motivation in life. That at the end of it all, when we meet Jesus face to face, He can say, "My Fearless Leader. Nice job." Then lead us over to wall of pictures. Above the pictures is a heading, "Good and Faithful Servants". An eternal employee of the month if you will. Then He says, "Look over here" and pointing at one picture, you look and it's you. Not of you smiling, happy, proud of whatever. You painting a wall in Tecate or feeding a homeless person in the streets of Seattle at 1 a.m. Sharing the gospel with the person next to you on a plane. Taking a classmates hand when she tells you that the boy who said he'd love her til the end of time won't have anything to do with her now that she's pregnant.
In the trenches, trusting Him. That's a wall I want my picture on.
Listen to this song by Phil Laeger and Aaron Shust
